Surely not even a trusty pair of Rockport shoes can get us out of this particular pickle?

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That was the general consensus from the Nether Dangleton Church Fete Apple Bobbing Committee. They were all fully aware of the bizarre, almost magical way that Rockport shoes seemed to be able to solve a veritable plethora of problems, but surely they had bitten off more than either they or indeed Rockport shoes could chew with this latest dilemma.

They had all awoken bright and early on the sunny yet crisp Tuesday morning our story starts. The plan was to meet up at the old orchard to discuss tactics for this year’s apple bobbing competition. The Nether Dangleton Church Fete Apple Bobbing Committee – which comprised of six men, three women and a Cocker Spaniel called Kevin – had never yet lost an apple bobbing competition, thanks in no small part to Kevin, who came from a long line of champion apple bobbers and had an innate and uncanny ability to remove spherical flotsam from barrels of water.

The Nether Dangleton Church Fete Apple Bobbing Committee was renowned throughout the local area, and many feared their deeply impressive reputation. They weren’t the sort of people to get themselves into bother, which is why it was all the more worrying that they now found themselves in such a perplexing pickle.

This particular pickle is so fiendishly fearsome that I daren’t even try to find the words to describe it. The very fact that the Nether Dangleton Church Fete Apple Bobbing Committee have their doubts that even the mighty Rockport shoes cannot save them now surely speaks volumes. This is one hell of a nasty situation to find yourself in, and I for one am glad of my omnipresent yet very detached position.

So with the lives of the Nether Dangleton Church Fete Apple Bobbing Committee hanging precariously in the balance, would Rockport shoes break through the odds and save the day? One thing is for sure: if Rockport shoes can’t save them, then they really are well and truly Ronnied.

Fortunately, Rockport shoes don’t annoy me

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The next several hundred words however, will be filled with deliciously flowery comments about things that do. Annoy me, that is.

The first annoyance that I shall describe is something I encounter on a regular basis, but happened to encounter twice this morning. Those stupid little signs that people glue in the rear window of their car to let other motorists know that there is a baby, little princess or annoying little snot rag on board.

I’m sorry, but just what do they expect is going to change by putting this sign up? You can picture the scene:

‘Hello darling, how was your day?’

‘Super thanks poppet, I bought us one of those ‘baby on board’ signs to put up in theback of the car.’

‘Ooh fantastic, that should put a stop to people endlessly ramming me off the road!’

‘Just what I thought sugarplum. What’s for dinner?’

It is just plain ridiculous. What kind of a blithering idiot would actually think that the addition of one of these signs was going to make the slightest bit of difference to the way antisocial drivers conduct themselves when behind the wheel? You might as well sellotape a pair of Rockport shoes in your back window for all the good it would do.

On the subject of signs and stickers in and on cars, I have another pet peeve that could do with going for a walk. Now I’ve personally never been a fan of emblazoning my vehicle with cheap stickers that let people know where you’ve been or what football team you support. Having a Tottenham Hotspur sticker in your back window is fine when you’re driving down white hart lane, but anywhere else in London people are automatically going to hate you. You might have plenty in common with that chap in the Astra who happens to support arsenal, but thanks to your display of stickered loyalty he will never let you out of a junction. Even if you’re both wearing the same pair of Rockport shoes.

The worst is yet to come though. Just this very morning, I was dropping the missus off at work when a man undertook me on a dual carriageway (I was actually doing a smidge over what I should’ve been doing) and proceeded to bully other motorists out of his way. A minute or so later I caught up to him at the traffic lights, only to find that he had two large stickers on his boot lid that read

‘Face the Facts – Speed Kills’

And

‘If you can read this you’re too close’

I’m sorry, but this self-righteous, solipsistic hypocrite utterly incensed me. It took all of my willpower (and a stern warning from the missus) to stop myself from putting one of my Rockport shoes though his window.

I have fortunately since calmed down, and am somewhat relieved that my Rockport shoes remained with my feet in the car. The last thing I want is to get them all messy. I’m going to remain away from the general public for as long as possible today, but just in case I do encounter another solipsistic hypocrite, I think ill switch my Rockport shoes for something I don’t mind getting little flecks of teeth on…

What a day to be wearing a pair of Rockport shoes.

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Today, it really does have to be said, is by far and away the best day we have head in England this year. It’s a lovely 20 degrees and we’re still not yet out of the month of March. It’d be easy to speculate that this bodes incredibly well for our summer, but in reality this could feasibly be our summer.

As I said though, I’m currently wearing my brand new pair of Rockport shoes. This at least makes things a little more easy to swallow. As long as I know I can make the most of the weather now, I don’t feel guilty about sodding off to sunnier climes when our inevitably dull and dreary so-called summer finally arrives.

The Rockport shoes in question are actually their new Coastal Springs boat shoes. Rockport doing boat shoes? I might hear you ask if I were standing next to you when you uttered the question. But yes, Rockport are doing boat shoes.

And really rather well too. If you’re in any way clued up as to what Rockport shoes can bring to the table, then you will no doubt be fully aware of their revolutionary adiprene technology. I’m on my sixth pair of Rockport shoes and if I’m honest, which for the remainder of this sentence at least I can assure you I will be, I still don’t really know what adiprene technology is. All I know is that it makes my Rockport shoes incredibly comfortable.

Each and every single pair of my Rockport shoes has the same uncanny ability to cushion my feet on even the most jolting of impacts, and they all seem to mould perfectly to my feet. I don’t know what they’re doing but they definitely need to keep it up.

So as the morning passes into the afternoon on this most glorious of days, I look forward to the inviting smells of a dozen barbecues, and the prospect of showing off my brand new pair of Rockport shoes.

It’s been a while since I’ve eagerly awaited the arrival of some new Rockport shoes.

Rockport Shoes, Rockport Boots, Rockport

Bloomin’ ‘eck that takes me back a fair wee while.

I was probably around thirteen or fourteen – a scarily long time ago – when I got my first pair of Rockport shoes. I remember saving up for weeks upon weeks to get my hands on them , and when the day finally came that I could afford them the flipping shop didn’t have them in my size.

I therefore endured what was quite possibly the longest two and a half weeks of my entire life. When they finally arrived I don’t think I took them off for about a month. I kid you not I actually recall falling asleep in them on a number of occasions.

Of course being a young lad barely in his teens they didn’t really remain in pristine condition for all that long. My mates at school had a ridiculously fastidious, almost religious cleaning and conditioning routine for their Rockport shoes, but I was somewhat more careless.

The thing was though, that I actually enjoyed wearing my Rockport shoes. I wore them everywhere, every day, whatever the weather. I absolutely loved them. My mates would wear them perhaps once a week, spending the whole day worrying about people standing on them or scuffing them in the corridors at school. I even had one friend who kept a bottle of shoe protector and a chamois cloth in his blazer. This was surely going too far.

It’s a bit like those people who buy beautiful classic cars and spend all day cleaning them, never actually driving them. A car is made to be driven, to be enjoyed. In very much the same way, a pair of Rockport shoes are made to be worn, to be enjoyed.

So with the imminent arrival of my latest pair of Rockport shoes, I can promise you one thing, if you see me out and about over the next few days, you can absolutely, categorically be guaranteed that I will be wearing them.

What better way to spend the day than in a pair of Rockport shoes

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It’s looking like it’s going to be one of those days. I say that in the most positive way possible, mind. Normally when people say that it looks like it’s going to be one of those days, it means that they’re anticipating a day full of, well, crap.

Not today though I feel. Today seems much more filled with promise than the last few days. Spring is well and truly here; the sun has been out all morning and has burned off the thin, wispy layer of cloud that was lurking around earlier today.

I bobbed down to the shops earlier and you might have thought we were in the middle of a high summer heat wave. There were women prancing around in micro skirts and blokes swaggering around with their tops off. Lovely day it may well be, but the temperatures are probably only just reaching the high teens and people are acting as if it’s a cardinal sin to be wearing clothes. Oh well, I guess we have to make the most of it in this country.

It’s not only the weather that is making today such a good day though. I recently placed an order for a brand new pair of Rockport shoes. They actually arrived yesterday, but I was far too busy to even try them on. Today then has become a day of sunshine and Rockport shoes. Granted I have had to work, and indeed am currently working now, but at least I’m wearing my Rockport shoes.

They’re actually part of a new line of boat shoes that Rockport have introduced for this year’s spring summer collection.  Called the Coastal Springs, they are, in my humble opinion, absolutely perfect for this kind of weather. I went for the really rather fetching Campanula colour, which in itself shouts out summer like nothing else.

What’s more they go perfectly when paired with jeans, trousers or even shorts. This means that they can be enjoyed in a multitude of scenarios, regardless of weather, temperature or dress code. Just don’t turn up to a funeral in them, they might be a little on the chirpy side for such an event.

There are countless barbecue and beer garden opportunities opening up now the weather has decided to sort its head out, and I for one am in a prime position to capitalise on this uncharacteristic bout of sunny weather.

So I really do have plenty to look forward to today. The weather is absolutely cracking, which is always nice. There are plenty of scantily clad young maidens prancing around – not that I’ll be paying them any attention of course – and I get to show off my brand new pair of Rockport shoes.