An Amazonian adventure, Keen Sandals, Housebound Pete, lacklustre feet and the adventure seeker Clive Gussop.

Once upon a time there was an adventurer. If you need a name it was Clive, but his name is almost as beside the point as the letter that ends up next to the upcoming full stop. You see this adventurer was little known, albeit hardy and wise – but for the fact that he forgot to take his all essential Keen sandals on his greatest ever expedition…

Indeed there were two things that slowed down Clive Gussop on his intrepid Amazonian explorations.

One, quite prolifically was his mate Housebound Pete. Clearly not built for an exploration into the deepest Amazon – Housebound Pete was more likely to ‘build’ up a sweat while taking a short walk to the front door to take collection of a pizza. Not only was this choice of accomplice lacking in orienteering credentials – he was the fattest most unsightly abhorrence ever to be seen in the depths of the Amazon.

Indeed the words ‘build’ or ‘built’ continue to apply when referring to Clive’s choice of footwear which was the other thing to slow him down. You might say his shoes were about as well built as an Italian engineered folding moon buggy.

Needless to say they were not Keen sandals. And needless to say his Amazonian adventure lost momentum because of this oversight.

Highlighting the difference between oversight and overweight – to Clive’s unending disappointment Housebound Pete had chosen to bring Keen sandals. However unsightly and unlikely this overweight gifford seemed on this once in a lifetime adventure – he had made no error in his footwear choice. Keen sandals and Housebound Pete were as snug together as used to be the case with him and his stack of takeaway menus. He was carving through the Amazonian trails like the proverbial pizza slice – thanks in no small part to his footwear choice.

You see, rarely do sandals offer you grip, toe protection, freedom, cooling and stability. But Keen sandals do all in abundance.

As Clive Gussop found out, acheing feet are the heaviest burden on the explorer who has to trek with supplies, abseil, canoe, orienteer and hack through dense jungle – and shoes that can themselves carry a heavy burden (i.e. Housebound Pete) make the job a whole lot easier.

Due only to the fact that he was wearing Keen sandals, Housebound Pete was in good comfort – and indeed due to the intensity of the heat, humidity, challenge and lack of convenience food – he was in much better shape.

Clive who was rapidly becoming a secondary character in his own adventure story to someone who previously waddled, at best, like a penguin with haemorrhoids – was close to tears while Housebound Pete was now bounding through the most intrepid adventure of his televisually fuelled existence, overcoming obstacles like a hurdling gazelle, seeing the sights and enjoying the breathable comfort of his excellent shoe choice.

Indeed all was hunky-dorier than humpty dumpty prior to his sit down upon a certain fateful wall for Housebound Pete who was now little more than podgy. Whereas for Clive all was less hunky dory than it was for humpty when he finally realised what an omelette was. Clive had the single most cheesy, steaming, rotted and gangrenous pair of feet ever seen in any corner of the former ‘French Empire’.

As ‘Rotund Pedro’ (as the Amazonian villagers began to call him) approached the finishing line – poor Clive was left rueing the single worst footwear choice made by a human since the 60’s – having given up his dream.

So you see – adventures are better when you have Keen sandals!